Now I need meds

Be careful what you wish for should be tattooed on the back of my hand somewhere so that I am reminded of it every second of the day.  I have my husband back.  In a way.  Maybe not the guy I met 16 years ago but close to him only a little more obnoxious and with a lot more grey hair.  Always liked older men anyway so the fact that my hubby acted ancient never bothered me too much.  Now he is being downright childlike.  He is also motivated and energetic and doing things around the house he hasn't done since I can remember.  He is funny and attentive and hands down a more involved father.  There are two problems with this.  Three.  It won't last.  He is not taking his meds like he should which is why he has all this energy(I compared him to Robin Williams on speed) but soon he will start being easily aggitated and paranoid and is already showing signs of the manic.  Then will come the low.  And the higher up he is now the lower he will fall later.  So I watch and wait.  Second problem and I really wasn't too aware of it till he pointed it out but I am distant from him right now.  We have discussed this in the past.  I have to put up walls sometimes to not be hurt when he is emotionally gone.  I cannot take it personally that he doesn't do anything with us.  I understand.  But I get used to going places alone.  Quiet time.  Spending my time however I like mostly.  Now he wants to be part of that and it is hard.  I have gone through this adjustment too several times over the years.  Also a reason I know it won't last.  He asked me earlier when I commented about his enthusiasm if I would like him to take his meds and turn him into a zombie.  Of course I don't want that.  Truth is I will play the woman card and say I don't know what I want.  If I had to be truly honest maybe to be single again.  Not so I could date or find someone new.  So I coul be single and just have my son and myself to worry about.  Then as soon as that thought enters my mind I feel guilty for going there.  We are soulmates.  My soulmate just happens to be broken.  How can you mean for better or for worse if you bail during the worse.  Ha ha he's playing Silly Lovesongs in our bedroom right now.  Yes that is my soulmate allright.  We are identical in our taste in music...as long as it is anything made before 1983...Anything after that he listens to crap and I listen to music but oohhhh that is another argument for us.  I am due for my yearly evaluation at work. Another couple of cents thrown my way.  I looked at the face of one of my co-workers today and it broke my heart.  A man in his mid fifties pulling a cart of freight to the salesfloor to put on shelves.  For mindless greedy people to scoop up so this man can make his barely minimum wage paycheck.  The cart was too heavy yet lighter than what we pull behind us like work horses on a daily basis.  There was a despair in his eyes for a split second but I saw it just like I see it on so many people throughout the workday.  Sad stuff running through my mind right now.  Maybe I am the one who should be on meds....Nah!!!!