No Hollywood Ending

This is an angry, frustrated , pissed off, fed up post so sorry but no more zen tonight.  I used all the feel good happy feelings this morning.  On three seperate occasions I have had to lock myself in the bathroom and have a good cry just to be able to carry on today.  Having one of those days where I just cannot seem to do anything right and am letting everybody down and I realize the reason I enjoy going to my shitty, low paying, physically demanding job is I am good at it and am told every now and then I am good at it and feel appreciated.  It will pass and everyone gets over it and as long as I am good with my son,which I am now, then it's no biggie.  But hubby is in listening to depressing music too loud mood.  I am not up for that.  Yes I finally watched Silver Linings and was disappointed to see they did do the hollywood happy ending.  Not that I don't LOVE Jennifer Lawrence and Bradley Cooper and their characters and they had amazing chemistry, thats all true but I felt where his bi polar disorder started off being so true and real and saw so much authenticity in the character once the love story took over and it became about that a lot of the behaviors seemed to be untrue.  I know it's my hang up but the family dynamic was outstanding and especially in the beginning when he is waking up his parents in middle of night and breaking the window soooooo true.  And how people don't want to take the medications that can actually help them because the side effects are aweful.  It was a great movie.  Just didn't give me what I needed in a story.  Yesterday there was an incident at my sons school at the end of day and they were on lockdown for a while.  By the time the news got to me my husband had already confirmed our son was not one of the children injured so I didn't have to go through that panic.  But it is a reminder of how dangerous it is out there for our children.  My husband was the one waiting to get word on him after finding out about it and even though he didn't tell me he got a little scare from it he slept in our sons room last night.  I went in his room about 6 am this morning to find them both asleep with video game controllers in their hands.  I think it did both of them a little bit of good.  I have always been the go to parent.  When my stepson played baseball I was the only parent to go to every single practice and game that year.  I am the one who practiced with him in our yard.  When they need anything or want to do anything I am the one.  Now and then over the years I have pushed them in their fathers direction then given him a good shove and reminded him they need him too.  Maybe today that was part of the problem.  I just want to be a woman for a little bit.  Not sister,wife , mother, boss, or anything else.  Just a woman.  So this blog has totally served it's purpose and I feel I much better than when I started writing.  Even feel my zen returning.