So it appears that my computer has decided to behave itself. My theory is it is becoming self aware and realized I would throw its three year old ass out and get a newer model if it didn't start working right.  And isn't that the first instinct of self awareness,self-preservation.  Now if only those threats would work on husband,son,...and all knuckleheads in general who do not listen.  Have the day off so obviously I went to my job but only to spend money on stuff I don't really need.  If I have to give the money to somebody might as well be the people who give it back to me every other week.  Feeling very lazy now and I don't like that.  It really is not in my nature and as nice as it is to have a season pass to Disney it is also still an hour drive there and I am thinking I will be going more when the weather lightens up a little.  I have had to put the jewelry making on hold too.  I found myself going through a mental block and even though I have more than enough supplies to make a couple of full collections I am lacking the inspiration to do it.  The last couple of necklaces I made were pure crap and I will be scrapping them as soon as I get around to it so at least I can use the materials for something worthwhile.  My family doesn't understand that even though making jewelry doesn't require the same creative process as when I used to paint it still calls for me to have a vision of what I am looking to create.  Hubby was watching a show a few days ago with a musician talking about a happy period in his life when creatively he sucked and it is true.  I think I am becoming more relaxed and content and there is not so much conflict anymore and it is hard to work with that.  Speaking of conflict had to drag my son from his youtube induced coma to make him do his school work.  Not really looking for that kind of conflict.  There is always the internal struggle with him growing older and more independent and in doing so I lose part of my identity as mom.  Yes I will always be mom but as women it becomes a huge part of who we are and it diminishes each year.  With each milestone our children reach we become a little less mom and a little more woman.  And when my older kids were small I dove headfirst into the mom role.  It was like a soft blanket I wrapped myself in knowing no matter what else in life I failed at that was the area I excelled.  So back to searching for my identity again.  Is it possible to be a good person and be happy.  If you make sacrifices for the people in your life that would not normally be the choices you would make then is it possible to be truely happy.  Is it better to be selfish and say screw yourself to others and look out for yourself but as I ask that I know the answer already.  I know wanting to have cake and eat it too but all that does is make you fat right.  Maybe there is more conflict in me than I thought.