Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Quiet night in the house tonight and I for one am glad.  Needless to say two of us(my son and I) had a blast Saturday for cheesey movie night.  My husband was a little whiney about the ridiculousness of the movie but that was the whole point of choosing it.  Exercise is done for the night and my son is in seventh heaven with his birthday present I gave him a little early.  I paid almost 60 dollars for a video game that I think I paid twenty for when it was brand new.  That was about 15 years ago and this was a collectors edition so I caved.  We had an incident at work over the weekend when I was off.  Finally caught someone stealing that it had been suspected for quite some time.  It happens but this was one of my people that I was in charge of and that just eats at me a little.  All the time spent trying to teach someone stuff and the lies and deceipt it just bothers me.  I had been aware of the nature of this person for a while but still.  It all goes back to integrity.  She had none.  And when I catch you in a lie about one thing what else are you lieing about.  We always say integrity is about what you do when you think nobody is looking.  So true.  A little sorry I missed seeing them take her out of the building in cuffs but she was a cryer whenever she got caught doing anything wrong so I know she would have really let loose then so probably good I missed it.  I don't deal well with crying.  Don't know what to say to people.  Sometimes it gets misunderstood for being cold but thats not it.  If I could stop someone from hurting I would.  Looking around the house everybody is hooked up to a device of some kind.  Phone,tablet,computer.  Miss the days with my kids when we unplugged for about two years...no phone,cable,or internet.  It was beautiful.  Back then I was a stay at home mom with three young kids and things were so simple.  If we needed to use the phone we walked to the nearest payphone.  In the evening we all sat down to dinner and talked.  Now if I forget to take my phone to work with me I am going through withdrawl within an hour.  The evening sky is a dark purple right now with storms in the distance and little flashes of lightening reflecting off the glass.  Oh lightening may be time to shut down my device and go stir up some trouble in the house.

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Big fat almond head

My husband has a head the shape of an almond.  Not a pointy one but an almond with smoothed edges.  This was not my observation but his.  Why is this a new revelation you ask, possibly because  I attempted to cut his hair yesterday.  Yes I said attempted.  Let me clarify I like a guy with hair on his head.  I do not like long hair. I like it short and clean cut.  His had been taking on a certain sasquatchy look and in spite of my reassurances that I cannot cut hair he insisted I do it.  After an hour of careful snipping and cutting I actually had it looking the way I like it.  Then for whatever reason I cannot explain (temporary demonic possession) I grabbed the clippers and proceeded to cut it straight over his head from front to back.  Leaving a path like I had run over a patch of grass that hadn't been mowed in months with a new mower.  It took me all of 2 minutes to finish the "haircut" with the clippers.  So now I am stuck with almond head until it grows out again.  Needless to say my son will be going next week and having a trained professional cut his unruley locks.  Watching the two of them wrestling as I write this they look like an escaped convict and a feral child raised by wolves.  Oh my family.  All of the women were gone today except for yours truely so I got the honor of cooking for my two knuckleheads plus the brother in law and my father.  When I cook I try to do something special and make it visually appealing as well as delicious.  Watching the pack descend upon the food like a pack of wild hyenas on an injured zebra was a little disheartening.  But I did get four grunts of mmmm Good!  At least I think that is what they said.  Some years ago I was working as a nanny.  I took care of two girls being raised by a single father.  At that time my stepdaughter was living elsewhere so it was me living with my hubby and our two boys.  my employer and I always joked we could just trade places and I live with the girls and he could go live with my guys.  Girl time is something I miss.  Too much testosterone around here for my liking.  Feel like I am ready to start designing some jewelry again.  That creative block has been pretty much cleared out I am anxious to see what I can create.  It is that point in the summer where I am getting days mixed up and cannot remember if it is Saturday or Sunday.  They are all the same.  Random thought here but why do people refer to their shoes by the name.  My Toms are getting muddy, I need to slip on my Sperry's.  They are shoes not children...no really as much as some women love them they are JUST SHOES.  Okay pet peeve to mention here.  Maybe I am overly sensitive but why do I have to tell my husband ten, eleven, oh twenty times to stop doing something before he quits.  And even then it is only because I finally yell,"STOP!"  It is always something small he does but DAMN he knows exactly which button to push.  Some days I think he really just wants me to kill him and put him out of his misery.  Not gonna happen.  I know part of it is he is making excuses to come over to me and see what I am writing on the computer because he is banned from my blog...hahaha.  My last sanctuary.  When I was in my early twenties I was attracted to men in their 40's and up.  Yeah yeah girl with father issues but I was okay with it.  I always said I liked that older men didn't act like little children the way men in their early 20's did.  Hahaha.  I am married to a 45 year old child.  It isn't a second childhood because to be in your second childhood you have to finish the first childhood.  Yep and I am being summoned because it is Saturday night and my son has decided we are watching Sharknado for fun tonight.  If this is my last entry it is because at some point to escape the movie I have pulled my eyes from the sockets.  Okay to tell the truth have already watched it once because well when you cannot sleep at two am and have had a lot of coffee it's better than infomercials.

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Day off...I don't think so

So today is my day off and I have a relaxing day planned of cooking,laundry,cleaning and my very favorite thing in the world...being teacher to my son so maybe he can finish his online summer school before the regular school year begins.  I promised him I would work with him today and we would spend the day just doing assignments.  Will be a test of my patience and of my ability to stay focused since we all know around here he gets his short attention span from me.  This would be my morning wake up post I guess.  There is a gnawing little issue bugging me too.  Recently I reached an anniversary of sorts at work and received a little recognition for that but it brought up the subject with my husband of complacency.  I do really enjoy certain aspects of my job.  Most aspects.  The parts I don't like are the ones that involve dealing with the high school drama of my coworkers.  The work itself is challenging.  The people suck.  Well the possibility of my moving up a rung on the corporate ladder has been discussed a few times at work with various managers and I am flattered but I am not interested.  I am not afraid.  I know I am qualified and I could take on the next position and even excel at it.  But I don't want it.  Moving to that next level means leaving behind the part of my job I really love and assuming more of the parts I do not like.  It's the equivalent of going from being a teacher in a classroom where you love the interacting with your students to being an administrator and losing that and getting caught up in the non teaching part of the system.  I am happy where I am right now.  Husband says I am being complacent and holding myself back out of fear or whatever other reason I have.  I told him I am offended by that.  In my mind complacency equals laziness.  Something I dare anyone to accuse me of.  Do I want to be doing the job I am doing now ten years from now...probably not.  This is the longest I have stayed at any one job but I know if I were to walk away from it I could do it with no regrets.  In all honesty I would rather be making my jewelry or painting or writing or blowing glass even.  This is not the road I planned on but when you make life decisions by the seat of your pants you cannot really complain when you end up somewhere different.  Too bad I don't really drink I could use one about now.  The sky opened up this morning and the rain was awesome then it just stopped.  Now the sky is grey and everything is soaked and I want it to keep raining all day.  Making a kickass squach soup for lunch today. One of the few creative outlets I have left that is completely encouraged by my family.  It sounds completely aweful but I can understand those women that take off and run away in the middle of the night.  Escape that's a good word.  There isn't a day that I am driving home from work that I don't consider going straight instead of turning left on the road that brings me home.  There are places and people I would go visit from my past or new ones to explore but I do always make the right decision in the end and return home.  Not saying abandoning your family is right but I understand the urge.  Okay enough of that talk it's time to put on my teacher glasses and grab my ruler.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Things that make me crazy..er

So the hubby isn't the only thing in this house bipolar, I do believe the laptop is too.  Since it is the one I use to get to my blog my posts are inconsistant and scattered...okay more than usual anyway.  Feels good being right but the coffee did work.  The next day the scale started moving and has been everyday since.  It was either the coffee or my body figured if it didn't start dropping weight soon I would quit eating all together.  Two more days until our little Shits-everywhere-zu goes back to his owner.  I am not anti dog.  Quite the opposite I do think animals bring  a bit of happiness to the day.  Anyway I am wondering a lot of things today and most of them are "huh" kind of things but just gotta put it out there or I would not be me.  1st Why the hell does it seems like when I am driving somewhere and the speed limit is 45 or faster the car in front of me doing 35 is always something ridiculous like a Charger or some other type of car that is meant to be driven hard. I know those cars come equipped with a gas pedal and speedometer just like my car.  Why drive a car like that if you are not going to DRIVE a car like that.  Okay #2 Why do so many people on facebook post so many fatty buttery cholesterol laden recipes? I had to tell my mom earlier to quit looking at the sweets on facebook when she had a box of Krispy Kreme donuts on the counter.  #3 Why oh why do people shopping in stores give their children toys to hold and play with to keep them amused in the store when they have no intention of actually buying said toy for the child.  Really?  Because we all want to hear your child scream when you tell them no you are not buying that overpriced thing you used to distract them and let them get attached to.  #4 Not gonna ask why just gonna say NO to this one- flesh colored plus size leggings. There I said it NO.  I got them in at work today and although I consider it a bad thing I also am in retail and I am fully aware that when I return to work in two days I will probably have sold all of them.  Not even just plus size really.  Flesh colored leggings NO.  What else is bugging me? Oh yeah #5 people that take their little ones into the public restrooms and don't make it clear they should not be looking in the cracks or under the doors to the stalls.  I have raised three kids and not one of them EVER peeked in on someone when they were using the bathroom.  How do I know because I was right there with them.  #6 People that show up for job interview doing ANY of the following...wearing shorts,wearing ball cap, pants hanging down, wearing a pajama shirt or scrub shirt(not even for nursing position people),chewing gum,with their baby in tow,not turning their cell phone off, or NOT READY TO ACTUALLY ACCEPT A JOB, ask me how many people I have taken time out of my day to interview only to have them turn around and say they cannot work weekends or Fridays or before noon or after 5 P.M.  or all of the above.  I realize this may sound like I am somewhat frustated right now but surprisingly nah I am pretty relaxed.  The alien bracelet is working and I couldn't care less if it is a placebo or not.  As long as it works.  Tonight is a great night to sit outside in the summer heat.  The evening sky is cloudyand changing colors by the minute and the wind is kicking up a little.  I have to admit that as much as people complain about the Florida humidity making the heat worse I LOVE it.  That hot sweltering sticky heat. It is sultry and clingy and is something  you either love or hate.  Going to go now and enjoy some of that before night falls completely.

Monday, July 22, 2013

Today has been a surreal type of day nothing going the way I expect.  Not feeling the way I should about my surroundings.  I may be showing my age a little but for the last month in half I  have quit listening to regular radio stations in the car.  It was a gradual thing.  Each morning I got more and more frustrated with the lack of music that was tolerable and became increasingly disgusted with the banter between d.j.s on all of the stations.  Some more repulsive than others.  One morning I found the station that plays classical music.  No commercials.  No updates about what Miley or Taylor or anyone else I don't care about is doing.  Just music.  Like a soundtrack to my morning drive to work.  Then I started noticing another change.  A much more relaxed and level headed disposition at work.  The first couple hours of the day do tend to be the most stressful.  At first I thought it was the "alien bracelet" I am still wearing.  Maybe it is a combination of those two things and more.  An epiphany that I am not what or who I want to be.  Although I am happy with most aspects of my life there are things I feel need work.  Aren't all people really just a work in progress.  We should all walk around with big orange cones circling us at all times.  I sometimes think the minute you get it all together in your head and realize the "great truth" it's the last moment before we croak.  I do hate the word die.  It is so DA DA DAAA doom and darkness.  Yes it is death but still.  If I lose focus forgive me I chose tonight to restart my coffee addiction.  I had been abstaining from it but am now wondering if going from three or four cups a day to none may be a reason my metabolism is on strike.   And it is chocolate coffee to boot so yes I have had two cups already. Anyway a few days ago there was an incident at work.  Such a ridiculous thing but when you have four supervisors that work together and five employees to split between them there are going to be issues.  This time I had to make a choice between two incredible ladies who work their tails off and the one I didn't choose was hurt.  I felt bad when I was told she was crying (a lot) in the backroom.  I tried to explain my reasons for this she didn't want to hear it.  I felt horrible.  Then it occured to me this was a dramatic play for sympathy from someone who has done this before and if it had been male employees I was dealing with I don't think I would have had that issue at all.  Then I got really mad because it is behavior like that that keeps women back in the workplace.  It just reinforced all of those inaccurate stereotypes that women have been trying to hard to shatter.  Point is I had a little issue with my fellow supervisors and one in particular that I took a little too personally.  But thats it; it was work and I took it personally and let it bother me.  Fortunately I realized what was going on and smacked myself on the back of the head for it.  I wasn't crying over it but I did let it make me angry and that was just plain stupid.  Walking the line between being a person who cannot stand to see anybody hurt or sad or unhappy and being a person who says it's all weakness and if you gotta cry go do it in the bathroom and get it over with.  It's all so confusing sometimes.  Maybe the answer is to just find the joy in everything we do.  Find some beauty in every moment.  A smell or a color or a sound that brings some joy.  When it rains a lot and the sky is overcast the pool near my house turns a color of turquoise that brings me back to childhood.  Not sure why but that is the only place I see that particular color of blue and it is mesmerizing for the few seconds I am passing it.  As much as I want to stop and get closer to the water I have a feeling the color would change if I did.  Weird little things that bring us happiness. 

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Pissed off zen

I am having one of those days that I feel I should be or I actually am pissed off but I am not really letting it all out.  No I am not holding it in I am just really peaceful today and not getting angry like I think I should.  It's all confusing and I am not sure how to feel now.  Started with this morning with two weeks of working my butt off eating healthy and exercising and not losing a pound.  I know how to shake off a plateau when it comes but I just started two weeks ago and not seeing any results. Frustrating.  It ends with getting a call from step daughter that my stepson her younger brother is in the custody of the county jail and will not be leaving for some time.  For the third time for this particular offense.  First time this happened I was freaking out worried so upset I cried nonstop.  Second time I was upset but a little angry.  Now I am just angry with him.  I love him so much but he is a grown man now and he makes his own choices.  I am angry for the way this affects my husband and younger son.  Especially the hubby though, he has been so much more positive lately and more like his old self I know this just crushes him.  That once again he cannot be there for our son when he needs him.  So yes I am a little weirded out by my not feeling the anger now.  Maybe this "alien bracelet I am wearing is finally doing what it is supposed to do.  Ooh big crack of thunder!  Not a big fan of storms here.  WHY do we keep having this debate over socks?!  EIGHT people live in this house.  SEVEN of them wear only white socks.  One of them wears anything but white socks. So every time we find a little rainbow colored sock in our laundry (about once a week) she claims they are not hers.  Come one I don't have to be Spock to deduce who they belong to.  This is a debate that just came up as I am sitting here and had to weigh in on.  I can see I am not getting anything done right now since I am being threatened that the movie I rented is about to start without me so I will have to conclude this later.  These people are FREAKIN nuts.

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

So it appears that my computer has decided to behave itself. My theory is it is becoming self aware and realized I would throw its three year old ass out and get a newer model if it didn't start working right.  And isn't that the first instinct of self awareness,self-preservation.  Now if only those threats would work on husband,son,...and all knuckleheads in general who do not listen.  Have the day off so obviously I went to my job but only to spend money on stuff I don't really need.  If I have to give the money to somebody might as well be the people who give it back to me every other week.  Feeling very lazy now and I don't like that.  It really is not in my nature and as nice as it is to have a season pass to Disney it is also still an hour drive there and I am thinking I will be going more when the weather lightens up a little.  I have had to put the jewelry making on hold too.  I found myself going through a mental block and even though I have more than enough supplies to make a couple of full collections I am lacking the inspiration to do it.  The last couple of necklaces I made were pure crap and I will be scrapping them as soon as I get around to it so at least I can use the materials for something worthwhile.  My family doesn't understand that even though making jewelry doesn't require the same creative process as when I used to paint it still calls for me to have a vision of what I am looking to create.  Hubby was watching a show a few days ago with a musician talking about a happy period in his life when creatively he sucked and it is true.  I think I am becoming more relaxed and content and there is not so much conflict anymore and it is hard to work with that.  Speaking of conflict had to drag my son from his youtube induced coma to make him do his school work.  Not really looking for that kind of conflict.  There is always the internal struggle with him growing older and more independent and in doing so I lose part of my identity as mom.  Yes I will always be mom but as women it becomes a huge part of who we are and it diminishes each year.  With each milestone our children reach we become a little less mom and a little more woman.  And when my older kids were small I dove headfirst into the mom role.  It was like a soft blanket I wrapped myself in knowing no matter what else in life I failed at that was the area I excelled.  So back to searching for my identity again.  Is it possible to be a good person and be happy.  If you make sacrifices for the people in your life that would not normally be the choices you would make then is it possible to be truely happy.  Is it better to be selfish and say screw yourself to others and look out for yourself but as I ask that I know the answer already.  I know wanting to have cake and eat it too but all that does is make you fat right.  Maybe there is more conflict in me than I thought. 

Sunday, July 14, 2013

My computer is conspiring against me

There  is something soooo frustrating about a computer that won't allow you to type anything when there are so many things in your head you need to let out.  I realized the computer I have been using just hates me, I am okay with that.  Just have to use another one.  Today was my first day back to work after vacation and I must say I was very relaxed and in a good mood.  I even tried to spread some of the good vibes to my coworkers with very little success.  Maybe a part of it is it was Sunday so we have maybe half the staff of a weekday so I got to avoid all the talk about the latest headlines.  I live in Florida the Zimmerman trial was on tv everyday and it has been the center of many workday debates.  I don't talk religion, politics, or sensitive issues at work I just feel it is very inappropriate and unprofessional.  So the lack of chatter today was nice.  Also a shortage of upper management on hand so I get to do what needs to be done without much interference.  It is evening now and everyone is home and it seems like every television in the house is on some kind of reality hillbilly show.  Now my mother is originally from Arkansas and my father from Kentucky.  Watching this stuff on tv is like being at a family reunion.  I am not partaking.  Not that I am superior with my sci-fi preferences.  Yes I saw the Sharknado when it was on a few nights ago and was even texting my son trying to get him to watch it.  We all have our guilty pleasures.  Mine is B movies from the 1950's to late 60's but seeing a movie made today that had that same level of campiness is just brain candy.  Besides I have been exploring my social conscience more lately and it is bringing me down some.  I need a distraction after all the reading I am doing about our civil liberties being stripped away layer by layer.  My distrust of the government is growing and I am sad about that.  I have always  been optimistic/ naïve about the way things run and that rose colored tint is fading away.  Kind of like when you are a kid and realize santa isn't real.  The world just sucks a little more.  But enough negative stuff right now I am still in zen mode.   Am I a really horrible wife if I say I am having to adjust to my hubby being less medicated and more awake and energetic.  It's not all good you know.  He is having panic attacks and really low phases but they do pass eventually.  I got a full day of the silent treatment after going to Disney last weekend for the day.  He eventually admitted it was stupid and childish but still made the weekend only half good half bad.  I have to find him a real shrink I know that.  But I have also seen more of the old him that I fell in love with so many years ago and that is sublime.  As much as I want to sit in here and type more all I can hear in the room is the Wildman going  woowoowoowoo and if I have to hear it one more time I may cut the power to the whole house.  That isn't over the top is it.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Free Slurpee Day!!!

7-11 Oh how we love 7-11 around here.  There is one on every corner so with free slurpee day here my son has asked if we can go slurpee hunting.  Now I have no intention of drinking more than one sugar free concoction but I will allow a little summer indulgence.  Tonight it's going to be a new restaraunt with live bands(a genre I don't usually get into)and cajun creole food will try my something new there.  Have my appointment made to do the glass blowing so looking forward to it in a few days.  We have a houseguest until the end of the month and she has already been here about 3 weeks.  Looks like an ewok smells like a farm animal and sounds like a gremlin.  No not the mother in law my niece is dog sitting for a friend.  She is annoying and has peed in almost every room in spite of being trained and even threw up on my sons head one morning.  Never seen that look on his face or was so scared he would take a life as I was at that moment.  She's a beast.  But she tilts her head and looks at you with these big eyes and melts your heart.  Fortunately she goes back soon.  I have never been into little ankle biter dogs but she does get under your skin. 

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Trying Something New

I made a vow to myself that this week I would try new things.  No specific category of things just something I have never done before.  Today that ended up using the electric buffer to wax my car.  Stupid right.  But it was actually fun.  My poor hubby has not learned yet that you do not detail your car in Florida in July unless maybe you had a septic truck spill over on it.  After 8 a.m. the humidity and sun are sucking the moisture from everything living.  So from 8 am until about 4pm we were detailing the car.  I say we very loosly since I was making constant trips back into the house to do other various chores(avoiding work) but I did help.  Also after owning a wagon for almost 14 years now this was the first time I have climbed into the back of it all the way.  New experience number two.  Now I don't feel guilty for all of these years of shooting hubby down whenever he suggested us going "parking" somewhere.  After laying on my back in that thing cleaning the ceiling for 30 minutes I know neither of us are in any kind of shape to try automobile acrobatic fooling around.  Watching the look on his face though when I was waxing the car made me realize he has no idea how physically hard I work sometimes and the type of equipment I use on my job.  He even told me he was surprised he was by how well I handled it.  Now my son had new experience also when this was the first time I let him go out with a friend from church who is older and picked him up in car and drove them.  One more little apron string cut.  So feeling like this was pretty productive day..not relaxing but oh well.  Not sure what to do tomorrow but I am thinking something a little more adventurous.  This whole being 40ish thing has finally become a good thing.  It took a little longer than I wanted it to but I am cool with it now.  Think I want to make glass.  It just now occured to me yes I want to make glass.  Have ALWAYS wanted to learn and I know there are places in the area to do it so why not.  This is why I blog.  Sometimes you have to put your thoughts out there and look at them to understand them better.  I am crazy happy right now but I must leave here to find out the when and where for tomorrow.  Will update on how it goes. 

Alien or Witch

Feels good to be in a routine again.  Even though I am a chaotic person by nature and thrive on clutter and confusion I also struggle with the inner neat freak I keep very tightly locked away.   All of my children can attest to the fact that most day trips started out with my saying,"Hey get in the car we are going somewhere!" And ended hours later with us stumbling upon something to do.  But as I get older I do see the value of making (and keeping) plans and a schedule.  My youngest is doing online summer school for what I think is the third year in a row.  Keeping him on a schedule no matter how loose is mandatory.  I am pushing for him to get as close to finishing as possible before I go back to work next week.  It is a little weird to admit but I enjoy helping him with some of the work.  U.S. History was a subject I was great at but as a 14 year old girl studying it it didn't really hold my attention as well.  Now I have that desire to learn everything.  So anyway about two weeks ago my sister and I are out at Sam's Club and they are selling those bracelets that are supposed to help with pain relief or curbing addition or whatever the issue may be.  My sister actually did the test where they had her stand on one leg and balance while the girl pushed her off balance then did it while she held the bracelet.  Yes we ended up buying four of them and split the cost.  Having just set a new weight loss goal for myself I bought the one that specifically works on weight loss and balancing hormones and promoting positive energies.  LOL I know it sounds hokey but my reasoning is even if it is a placebo effect then I will take it if it works.  It either works or I just think it does and thats causing the changes in my behavior either way I will take it.  There has been a slight side effect ever since I started wearing this thing and that is a lack of control over what comes out of my mouth oh and a little bit of an angry side.  I think the anger was coming from the fact my vacation was approaching and I was burnt out and out of patience with all the stupidity at work.  My husband has a different theory.  He thinks it is an alien technology in the bracelet and that when they come it will control my brain.  He said ever since I got it I have been a straight up BITCH to end all bitches.  I don't see it.  If anything I have been way more patient and good natured I think.  What has changed is that when someone does something I find wrong I call them out on it.  I think that is a good thing.   Now he calls it the alien bracelet.  Two nights ago he woke me up at 2:30 in the morning and asked me if I wanted to go out to eat pancakes.  I had been asleep approximately 2 hours when he woke me.  I am trying to lose weight and you are asking me to go eat pancakes at 2:30 a.m.? REALLY?  Needless to say I was a little grumpy.  Okay I was very grumpy and tired and whiney.  But after making it clear I would only have coffee I agreed.  It turned out to be a great night.  In my eyes the bracelet does work because if he had done this a month ago I would have probably stabbed him right there in bed.  With something dull people I wouldn't have killed him.  I am okay with the bitch label.  I grew up learning if they call you a bitch it's because you are telling them something they don't want to hear.  As long as you aren't mean or cruel or malevolent in your intentions or actions then let people say whatever.  Now it is a perfect sunny morning and the pool is closed here and my hubby in all his newfound energy is dragging out all of the cleaning equipment so we can detail our car.  It is much needed.  Since this seems to be the only way to get him out in the sun I am all for rolling up my sleeves and getting dirty.  It's not about what do we just that we are doing it together that counts. We all know that the aliens are taking over our brains with Candy Crush anyway not these bracelets...DUH

Sunday, July 7, 2013

What day is it?

It has certainly been some time since I managed to log on here but I stayed away for a couple of good reasons, I think anyway.  One and most important I really felt that I had nothing to say of any significance.  Maybe I never did but anyone who feels that way shouldn't be reading this anyway.  And anybody who knows me in real life knows if I do not have anything to say worth sharing I just keep my yap shut and listen.  So I got quiet for a while.  There was also the stress of work and birthday season at home to slow things down.  Lastly, thanks to a certain candy crushing game online computer time has been a bitch to obtain.  Not that half the household doesn't also have ipads and iphones but they must use EVERY device they can.  But I,like the minions all over the television am back...back again.  Had to go there.  So since I took a hiatus we have had NSA leaks, gay marraige wins a huge battle, Zimmerman trial has started, Paula Deen has been branded with a scarlet R.  So much to talk about.  No I will not address any of these issues tonight because really everybody else is talking about this stuff I have nothing new to add except my own opinion.  I will say this.  Anyone who didn't already suspect that their "private" conversations and communications were being monitored by some type of government entity well you should have.  I am not saying it's right or should be done. BUT It really wasn't surprising at all.  With all of this advanced technology to make the world a better place you see us becoming a more Orwellian society.  As long as there are Snowdens out there pulling back the curtains there is hope.  that is all about that.  If I had written a few days ago I would have said the hubby is doing pretty good but that really is a roller coaster that speeds up a little each day.  Today and yesterday not as good as others.  No thanks to his new doc that cut his meds in half.  He has an appointment in September with another new doctor in September so we will just tough it out till then.  I was struggling with the age old issue of being with someone who has changed so much and so opposite from the man I fell in love with and even he has said I should leave him because our son and I would be better off without him.  And it is true that financially things would be WAY better.  The dark cloud would be lifted from over our heads on a  daily basis.  But there would be a hole where he should be.  He did not choose this illness and as I have said before I have to think of it as if he has cancer or something.  Depression, bi-polar,manic depressive they are diseases.  What kind of wife leaves her husband because he is sick.  Do I wonder what my life would be like as a single mom.  Maybe everyday.  And I admitted that to him which was hard.  But I also told him we fight this together and if I am not there to pick him up who will.  I am no martyr or saint.  This year will be our seventeenth year together how do you walk away from that. So that is all same as usual.  Also turning into a pattern is my gifted child is once again doing summer school classes.  We thought he had snuck in under the radar but no such luck.  My sister and I returned from a two day orlando stay with the kids(her birthday gift to me) to find the notice from the school.  So once again I am battling my youtube addicted child with daily school work.  In true bad mom form I am bribing him with doses of his favorite Mountain Dew version.  To balance it out I tricked him into eating fake chicken patties that were actually tofu and he likes them now so at least I got him to like one new healthy thing.  This is my vacation week and I am ready to try my gardening again.  The herbs I was growing and did manage to get lots of fresh rosemary and basil from before they were pronounced dead and given a proper burial will be replaced.  I am going to even grow some veggies.  I prefer to control what goes into my veggies.  This is day two of my vacation.  I think I will be getting in a lot of pool time this week but also made a goal to do four new things this week.  No idea what yet but I am working on it.  There are no good places anymore to go get a cup of coffee late at night anymore.  Used to love going to diners or cafes in my younger days and I would have a night off work.  Sit and read a book or take my sketch pad with me drink coffee and just observe.  I don't know where you can do that around here anymore.