Kleenex,hot tea,and nyquil I love you

Yes I did celebrate a little early when the month of July came and went and no sign of my annual summer cold that hits me.  Imagine my disappointment when last Wednesday I arrived at work feeling wonderful and by 2 P.M. that day felt as if I had swallowed barbed wire.  By the time I arrived home that evening had a fever of 105 and my face looked like a beet.  So last Thursday I took a sick day to recoup.  My gamble did pay off because instead of this being one of those long lingering colds with drawn out stages of misery it seems to be running it's course quickly and I am already in the final stage with that horrible dry cough that nothing seems to stop,except nyquil my best friend. Not that the suffering is in any way over.  My mother and I are both in the final stages of our colds and my husband sister and as of this morning my son are all feeling the sore throat start.  Sorry guys but I cannot live in a bubble.  Aside from the one sick day I took I worked the last  eight days straight and am loving my two consecutive days off.  It is a luxury I don't enjoy too often.  Unlike some of my coworkers who enjoy not only two days off together but they are the much coveted Saturday and Sunday.  Bitches.  Yes I had to let that ugly side out...it's the cold medicine talking. So the last week has been a cornucopia  of much talked about subjects that I have been to weak to comment on.  Anyone who did not know what twerking was before pretty much knows now.  You can take the girl out of the trailer park but you can't take the trailer park out of the girl.  But how much of these displays are genuine misguided judgement or just an attempt to make headlines and get some attention.  With all the celebrity train wrecks out there you have to really up your game to get the top tending spot.  To be continued...

Best first day of school

It was truly an awesome day with my son starting high school.  I know I was a hundred times more worried than he was.  We survived the day without a scratch.  And I only had about 15 forms to fill out or sign.  He had no homework of course, let the parents set the example.  There were doubts about my ability to get everything signed and put in its proper place since, according to my father, I am a prognasticator.  Yes I spelled that correctly prognasticator.  At least that is what my husband laughingly shared with me as I tried to lay down for a quick 5 minutes before doing all my homework.   So I quickly picked my butt back up off of my bed and returned to my stack of papers.  I love proving people wrong and even though I am a PROCRASTINATOR I was determined to set a good example for my son.  Makes up for the whole losing him at Disney incident I think.  So everything is crazy at work and we are as understaffed as I have ever seen and morale is at an all-time low.  One of my girls told me she tried when she went home last night after her shift out of frustration.  I love my job and I get frustrated even mad as hell about the way things are but I told her you cannot bring that stuff home.  When I walk through those doors in the morning I put home out of my head and when I clock out for the day I leave that place behind.  I have to admit a part of me is secretly thrilled that my son is taking art this year.  He is taking a few courses I think are great but ART..he has never shown an interest in art before.  I always tried to nudge him that way but he was never interested in it.  Maybe because I always felt the pressure to pursue art as a career I did not want to do that to him.  So yes I am living a little vicariously through him sue me.  Is it totally weird that since I ate at the french restaurant a few days ago I have been seriously craving some french food.  Lots of cheeses and fruits.  Hopefully it's just a phase.  Kind of like the hot sauce cravings I just got over.  Ohh somone is asking if I will cook for them...hmmmm

Good Morning Starshine

There is nothing quite as eye opening as waking up and turning over to put your arm around the man you love and BUZZZZZZZZZZZZ the sound of someone(my 70 year old father maybe) weed whacking the grass right outside my bedroom window.  It is especially funny since we have had daily downpours for 2 months and the yard is a swamp. Is this why I am usually happy to be working on Monday, I think so.  But bless his heart he is out there trying to cut the soggy mushy lawn we have.  I must venture out into the realm of idiots and maniacs today to find my son a backpack.  Yes school starts tomorrow and I have know what day it starts for 3 months and yes I work in a retail establishment that sells backpacks.  But really what fun is that being all prepared and ready for things.  So am I in the idiot or maniac category...would love to say maniac but probably both since I put this off.  It is a beautiful sunny morning and the day is full of possibilities.  First possibility is my son having a cup of ice water poured on his sleepy little head if he does not get up.  I have already been accused by my husband of being in "bitch mode".  He said it jokingly but in 17 years he still has not learned that labeling me like that(especially before I have had coffee) is just inspiration to behave that way, toward him anyway.  Mean wife that I am I did not get up and make him any breakfast.  Hahaha.  He settled for apple pie.  Didn't really have to twist his arm there.  My husband would is a junk food junkie.  Since his meds have pretty much been cut in half by the doctor he had for one visit that won't be treating him again I have another month of bi polar man way more awake and alert and high strung and all of the other wonderful personality traits that the medications try to suppress.  To be completely honest I see more of the man I met and fell in love with now. But the flip side of that is the anxiety and rage and depression and manic moments.  Walking on eggshells is an artform I have mastered.  A while back I was at a friends house while she was bickering with her husband and they tried to draw me into it and I swiftly drew a neutral line.  He told me I was quite the diplomat and I responded that I had to be.  Plus I am not one of those people who likes drama or conflict.  Some people thrive on it...not me.  I want everybody to be happy.  But I see the lack of my physical presence is fooling my kid into thinking he can still lay in bed like a lump so it is time to get up and crack the whip.  Not everyone around here sees the sun shining and hops right out of bed to start the day...well my dad does anyway to bad its not him I have to take shopping instead of the 14 year old.

What the heck is in Turkish Delight?

What to hell were we thinking.   I know that theme parks in Fla are meant for tourists and locals who have built up a high tolerance to heat that is the equivalent of standing on the freaking sun.  Why oh why did I let my big sister pressure me into attempting a day at a Disney park when I have a pass good till next June.  So we did some future world stuff then hit Canada(eh).  The dead bird in front of the souvenier shop didn't think it was the happiest place on earth, or maybe thats just the Magic Kingdom.  Next London.  By then my poor son was making 15 minute trips to bathroom and just miserable.  Oh and the sister and I had decided we were going to taste something in each country but wasn't really into the maple stuff in Canada.  In London we tried Turkish Delight.  Anyone who has read Narnia knows about Edmunds love of Turkish Delight, how bad could it be.  OH YUCK! Wanted to scrape the taste buds from my tongue to get that taste out of my mouth.  The fish and chips basket we shared between 4 of us though was wonderful.  Half a piece of fish an 3 chips each but it was enough to make it over to France.  I wanted to spend all day there but by then my son was just a miserable mess so we tried sitting down for a real lunch and cold drinks and resting.  Didn't help.  Poor thing didn't realize baguette is french for "bread you cannot bite through".  So we were going to leave.  My sister not ready to throw in towel suggested we go inside one of the innovation buildings and sit and let the kids do their thing.  We cooled off and rested for a while...so long in fact my son wanted to ride one more ride before we left.  So he walked across the way to get in a line with a 20 minute wait and we went inside the shop to look around.  Next thing I know my sister mentions it has been an hour since he went on a 2 minute ride with 20 minute wait.  Mom panic set in.  Any mom reading this knows mom panic is that moment you don't know where your child is and all the horrible things start to run through your head.  But he is 14 and had a cell phone on him so why panic.  All calls were going straight to voicemail and texts were unanswered.  Mom panic gets more intense.  After some looking my sister has the state of mind to check guest relations.  Where my son is filling out a form describing his mother and aunt and cousin.  So I lost my child at disney.  Bad mom award goes to...me.  His phone was not getting signal so although he carried it all day it was useless when we needed it.  I realized next time we go we follow the plan my parents made my sister and myself follow when we were kids,with no cellphone either.  Everybody has a map and you meet at a spot at a certain time and if  you get seperated you wait in a certain spot for them.  Relying too much on technology not a good thing.  Tomorrow is the last day of summer and I am going to savor every second of it.  Cannot say I have had the full privilage of raising a high schooler.  My step daughter moved in with her mother her first year of high school.  Her second year she lived with us until she decided at 16 she was an adult and could take care of herself when she ran away.  She moved in with a boyfriend and got a job, then moved in with her step father. When she moved back in with us again she was 19 and pregnant.  My stepson on the flip side took the exam for his diploma at 16 then enrolled in college courses.  So this is my first real experience with a high schooler.  I think I am more scared than he is.  Mom panic is setting in again.  Think I need a hug from my kid.

Fighting Sleep

It might not be wise to write while I am as physically and mentally exhausted as I am but wisdom is not really one of my strong points anyway.  It has been a long long long day.  Workrunning errands, shopping,shopping and more shopping.  Just got in. It wouldn't be so bad but tomorrow it's up at sunrise to head to Disney.  Last hurrah before school starts next week.  Then I am back at work Sunday morning.  Work is imploding.  We go through these phases where everything gets out of control and we are struggling so hard to keep up with the amount of freight we receive daily plus our lack of staff.  It is all throughout the company from what I hear.  I love the comraderie at work but when so many people are feeling defeated it is hard to not let it get to you.  The almighty profit wins at all costs.  Nation of Change just ran an excellent piece on profit yesterday by Allan Goldstein about the Unlovely Profit Motive.  It rang so true from the point of view of someone living inside the machinery that keeps the  corporate cogs turning.  But I am not in that serious mood tonight.  Friday night shopping with my mom and sister tends to lighten the mood.  Yes a lot of the joking is aimed at me but I am cool with it.  Someone has to be the black sheep of family right.  Just realized it is almost 11p.m. and the smell of coconut coffee is fresh in the air.   If there is anything as comforting as the smell of fresh coffee I don't know what it is.  Wow my son just came barreling out of his room he is the ultimate energy vampire but it is hard to kill that enthusiasm he has for everything.  We need so much more of that in the world.  He doesn't cut me any slack and calls people out when they are full of shit.  That is something you can't teach.  When I brought home White House Down and G.I Joe for my husband to watch while we are gone my son just stared at me and said,Why Mom? Mindless formulaic, lack all originality and plot dribble."  lol I just looked at him and said," It's for dad." Of course we are not cinema snobs, how could we be after SHARKNADO.  It is late now and I feel my mind mixing up a batch of brain soup that I will keep to myself tonight.  So it is best if I say,Adieu.

I swear my next post will not be so cynical

Been trying to find my happy place all morning but some days if really feels like everybody is out to defeat you.  Normally on a day like that I take a "f-u" attitude and it's really easy to be positive out of spite.  BUT today I just feel drained.  Sapped of all energy or will or fight.  Within 10 minutes of finishing my last post hubby came out of his cave and we commenced to arguing about his perception that I am not backing him up enough with his pharmacist and the clinic he goes to and that I should be fighting on his behalf.  I was actually silenced by this accusation.  Seventeen years of having his back I was really hurt by this.  But again it was his perception and no matter how wrong it was it was how he felt.  We talked things out and he even accompanied me to go pick up his medications which normally I do all of that alone so it was a nice change.  In reality though today ended up being one of those days I needed to get the hell away from everyone and every thing.  So I wonder maybe what the world needs is a "fight club" for moms.  Women can just get together and get our aggression out on each other and then return home and put on our aprons and smiles and all is good.  Okay that is a little condescending but you get the idea.  A club for women to just go wild and throw caution to the wind and hope it doesn't fly back in your face.  First rule of Wife Club...nobody talks about Wife Club.  Maybe then you wouldn't have to have shows like Snapped where ordinary women go wild and kill.  No there are always going to be a few "crazy bitches" in the world to ruin it for all of us.  On a totally unrelated note but it's in my head and I have to share  I opened a box at work yesterday for one of the other supervisors because it said Urgent Rush to Salesfloor and I was really thrown back.  Duck Dynasty panties.  Not your big granny panties but little colorful lacey panties with the faces of the bearded fellas from the show on them.  Now I have not watched an episode of the show but working in a rural area I have my fare share of merchandise from this show on my sales floor because it is hot as heck right now.  But Panties?  Is that really what ANY man wants to look at when his wife/girlfriend/baby momma or whatever pulls off her cut-off jeans.  It's all kind of icky to think about but honestly it is also freakin hysterical.  Mass merchandising at it's finest.  I have been saying all along they should do a Real Housewives of the Trailer Park and maybe for the Bachelor they can find an eligible man in prison looking for his letter writing soul mate to have some conjugal time with.  Instead of the show about finding bigfoot that is going to offer a million dollar prize to someone who can prove his existence how about whenever a child is abducted there is an automatic one million dollar reward for the person responsible and the safe recovery of that child.  How many unsolved cases would we have then.  And the best idea swimming around in my amped up brain right now...let's expose EVERY single elected official and EVERY single government agency for the lies, scams, frauds, deceptions that they perpetrate daily.  And then let's actually hold some people accountable for their actions.  I realize this means we might not have ANYONE left to run our government but isn't that the case now anyway.  Oh that just felt good to say.  We are a social media/networking generation and we need transparency in our government.  Checks and balances do not work anymore.  Who even remembers learning about it in school.  Each branch of government created to keep the others in check.  No absolute power in anyone's hands.  Oh I will probably end up on some government watch list just for suggesting this.  What the hell.  But folks if a sinkhole mysteriously swallows my house one night I call government conspiracy. Joking!...uh yeah joking

Husband for sale...cheap

Well it is official there is not one inch of space in our bedroom now and one of us has to go, either him or me...ok him.  My beloved went into our storage unit to recover our old desktop computer.  Now keep in mind that stuff has been in storage for over five years.  The computer was bought about three years before that so basically it is a fossil.  But he wanted the computer in our bedroom so I agreed.  Well it would have been too simple to take the computer desk we had in storage also so he decided to take the table we had...the kitchen table...that sits 4-6 people.  It had not been used as an actual kitchen table for years since I turned it into a project one summer and decided to paint Van Gogh's Starry Night across the top of the table.  One of the best summers I remember sitting on our deck in the backyard with my youngest who was about three and as I would paint on the table he had a section to paint as well.  My older children would lay in the hammock or sometimes help me but it was always blissful.  So I love this table.  I have already made it clear it stays with me forever.  But in my bedroom.  That we already have waaaaaaaaayyy too much stuff in.  I figure at 40 cent an hour raises one a year(thats if I earn the full raise instead of 20 or 30 cents) then I should be able to afford our own place by about 2020.  We did manage to get the fossil started up but had to completely wipe everything from it to get it to work so I am hoping I somewhere in that creepy spidery storage shed is a box with all of our photos and video that I burned to disc before I up and left 5 years ago.  It doesn't seem real sometimes that I came back here to get a summer job where my family could help with my son and I could save a few dollars as my husband (going through a total breakdown) got things in order up there and was to find us a new place to live and find himself a real job.  I never did believe he would settle down here with me.  Even though I wouldn't trade a second of the experiences I have had living here again being with my sister and parents and my job I have and friends I have made I am sorely missing my children in Virginia and my granddaughter. She starts kindergarden this year and I feel like I should be there.  Yes my daughter has her real mother who just moved back to Va but I should be there too.  For the twelve years I lived in VA I missed Florida everyday  but I knew that was where I belonged.  And for the last five years I have known this was where I belonged.  Now I am not so sure.  I have to remind myself one of the reasons I neede my family here was I could not deal with my husbands depression alone anymore.  There was no support system and by the time I left I had fallen into a horrible depression myself.  I am still trying to lose the excess weight I packed on during that dark time.  There was a little part of me when I saw that sinkhole in Orlando that was relieved because if Florida is going to just sink into the ocean I can move up north and even get my family here to come with me.  Selfish yes but it was only a brief thought.   It is already 10 am so I missed my early morning exercise before the wall of humidity moves in.  And since I have been informed that I am going to Disney this weekend today is really the last day I have to spend with my son before he starts school next week.  I predict a day of him kicking my ass at video games I was playing before he was born and 7-11 slurpee runs.  Not a bad day I guess.

All the rats at work are jumping ship.  Found out my left hand man(yeah I'm a leftie) has decided to leave apparel and go work in another part of our store.  She is one of the few people I work with I look forward to seeing.  I am not surprised and I am fully aware of why she asked for the transfer but we are losing two more dependable workers  to move to other areas as well. Change is a good thing I am told often.  I was approached again by a member of higher management about moving to a position that is becoming available.  It is an equal position it just would take me completely away from the clothing and merchandising that i love so.  If I want to move up at any point I have to have experience with other areas besides my own.  Then I go back to the issue I had yesterday...why move up if it is not a job I would like.  So random change of subject here but I was reading earlier that one of the resorts in Orlando is being swallowed up by a sinkhole.  Another freakin sinkhole.  As a child we lived in Illinois until I was almost 6 years old and I remember thinking even then the one good thing about Florida was as far as natural disasters are concerned hurricanes are way less scary than tornadoes.  I can still remember times of hiding in our basement and my sister telling me a tornado was a kid snatching monster that if I got too close to the little window by the ceiling it would reach in and take me.  Good times.  But now I am starting to think northern territory is looking pretty good.  That sinkhole that swallowed the guy up in his bed was not very far from here and we are about an hour away from Orlando so what do you do.  We have little sinkholes all over the place here and there but to be swallowing a resort.  Not even sure if I want to go to Disney this weekend as planned.  So maybe there is a big rat jumping ship trend here.  If Florida starts to sink into the ocean I guess I go back up north. 

Selling out or surviving?

It is that awe inspiring time of the evening when everything starts to glow from the setting sun.  Magical, peaceful,precious.  Just like I believe every breath is a blessing I think every moment we get like this should be savored and taken in for as long as possible.  I am fully aware there are far too many people out there right now not able to enjoy anything, even something so simple as the color of the sky.  I wonder if all people are contradictions in general or do they mostly know who and what they are and stay that course.  I am an artist.  Someone who has always gone against what is expected.  Sometimes to my own detriment but I cannot stand being told what I should do or who I should be.  I hate big business and corporate bullies and corruption and dishonesty and lack of integrity.  The most beautiful thing in the world is seeing one human being reach out and help another human being in a totally selfless way.  I despise selfies and people who twitter every minute action of their lives, and "reality t.v." no such thing. Meanness and injustice.  Yet because I have a child to care for and would like him to live in a neighborhood without bullets flying through the walls regularly I compromise those beliefs.  I work for big business.  I put my mind and body through hoops each day 40 hours a week so I can make just above minimum wage.  But I do really enjoy most of my job.  The creative part more than anything but yes I do like being in charge.  Today being Sunday I was one of the very few managers who works on Sunday and so I was alone in my being in charge of the chaos that is the backroom of my areas and my sister managers areas too.  I had three sales associates to help me deal with pallet after pallet of freight.  These women are wonderful.  I know how little I make so I know they make less.  Yet they worked as if they made 50 dollars an hour.  They took pride in what they accomplished.  I try to make sure that I thank them for how much they give every day.  But how do I reconcile my hate and distrust of these corporations with the fact that I sit at meetings every week and listen to how lucky I am to work for a company that is like family and looks after it's members.  I want to expose all of the hypocrisy and show how greedy they really are but on the flip side I feel like a stepford wife.  If the other robot wives realize i am not truly one of them I will be cast out(fired).  Not saying I know of any great wrongs going on at work but how many people have we heard of that made an innocent comment on a social networking site about their job only to find out they no longer had a job because of it.  Maybe I was so not surprised by the revelations of spying by the NSA and any other government agencies because I work in an environment of big brother watching.  Ack it's all too heavy in my head right now.  Need a good cup of joe and some feel good music.  One day I will learn to say hell no when they ask if I can come in at 5a.m.  The only motivation is that I get to leave by 2p.m.  Possibly. 

Juicy Booty Overload

Saturday is my fun day with all of the running around we do and it being my one weekend day I escape from retail hell to be a consumer but sometimes I just really love the vegging out part of the day.  Between the park for a workout and grocery shopping for the week and then running around to pick up odds and ends I have probably been to about seven different stores today.  One thing was there no matter how upscale or how low brow the establishment was...booty advertising.  Yes one or two words written across the ass of someones shorts or pants.  Flirt, sweet, sassy, brat, and oh my favorite JUICY.  Why the hell does someone want to advertise they have a JUICY ass and if they do they shouldn't need to have it written on their clothing it should be obvious.  And really having the word JUICY written across your butt is the equivalent of having the word itchy written across the crotch of your panties.  Is it really an appropriate adjective.  Now I can maybe understand a 19 year old college student in her physical prime putting it out there.  Not saying it's okay just that I understand BUT my second problem comes with the booty graffiti being worn by mothers out with their children.  Oh now we just entered into a yuck factor on a different.  And for anyone thinking it is just trashy low income women indulging in this form of self promotion one lady was loading her 500 stroller into her Mercedes with her children as she let the world know she was NAUGHTY.  Can we really blame the women who wear these things or is it the manufacturers fault.  They know it's wrong just as wrong as making flesh colored leggings for women in a size 28.  And they know some dumbass woman who does not own a full length mirror or possibly any self esteem will buy them.  I must add I am not saying a size 28 women should not wear leggings either just not ones that make you look like you are not wearing pants at all.  Was feeling a little uninspired last night but it is funny what hearing some music by some of your favorite artists will do.  Creativity and imagination are most certainly not dead they just have to be pursued sometimes.  And other times it is nice to hear recommendations from others who have different tastes. 

Best coffee ever

Finally I have survived the week and made it to my one pitiful day off for the weekend.  So far I have managed to do NOT A DAMN THING and it really does feel pretty good.  Yesterday did two workouts and went bowling with two of my favorite guys.  No John Cusack was busy so I went with my sasquatch and our teenage terror.  It was a belated birthday thing for our son so my hubby could not escape.  I have bowled about three times in the last twenty years so it was a refresher and this was the first time I bowled without alcohol and I learned that although I like to bowl, sober I get tired of it after one and a half games.  The twenty-somethings next to us seemed to be having more and more fun with each pitcher of beer they drank.  My goal was for they guys to have a good time and they did.  School is on the horizon but so is football season.  The other thing I miss living in the sunshine state is not have real seasons.  I am 100% a fall and winter girl.  Yeah I know I said before about how much I love the heat here and the humidity but it would be nice if summer only lasted about 3 or four months not 9 or 10.  I needed a good day yesterday...work has been challenging(dreadful) and I know when I am working and also envisioning ways to quit that have never been done before it is time for a break.  Feels like nothing is original anymore.  Music,movies,books.  All of the same stories have been told in so many ways I am searching for that something new.   While on my lunch break I had a conversation with a few of my female coworkers and we all concluded that all of our husbands tell the same story of how when they met us we were so quiet and shy and sweet and now...we are loud and speak our minds and not so sweet.  So it is obvious it isn't us it is them.  They turned us into these creatures.  Maybe why men who can afford it are always trading in their first trophy wives for seconds then thirds and so on.  They change these women with the way they treat them then when they don't like what the woman has become trade her in for one that hasn't been worn down.  New and shiny.  I say men who can afford it because your average joe cannot afford to just up and leave so they learn to either love the new you or they just keep a woman on the side.  Now I am in no way saying men are the baddies here and women are angels.  I know plenty of women that seem to think that way.  Coffee has about 13 minutes of sitting on the burner after it is brewed before its flavor starts to change.  I am sitting here drinking the most delightful cup of chocolate coffee I have made.  I know if I go over and pour another cup it won't taste the same but I have learned to love the taste of the old strong coffee.  I just love it in a different way from the first cup taste.  People need to learn to love that old,overcooked, concentrated almost bitter person that their spouce has become.  You create the monster...you live with it.  Maybe it's not that we change that much at all we are just trying too hard in the beginning to be pleasing.  I have an early morning workout tomorrow but I am righting the urge to climb into bed.  I know the sheets are cold and it is dark and peaceful but damn then you wake up and the night is gone.  I am not ready for my baby to start high school in a few weeks.  I worry about him so much and I don't know why. Yes I do my first year of high school was horrible.  Second year was amazing.  Third year was sad.  When I started high school it was 10th grade so the age gap wasn't too terrible.  Now they start in 9th and he is so small for his age.  It isn't like when I was in school and if you had a problem with someone you fought.  Now a group of kids sneak up on you and set you on fire or beat you on the bus or any other chicken shit way.  On the good and bad side of that I have raised a kid who will speak his mind if he sees someone who needs defending.  He will not turn the other way even if it puts the target on his back.  Makes me so proud I cannot put that into words but I know not everyone appreciates that either.  Speaking of high school just a little flash of something that just is driving me nuts but the store I work in has started playing music.  Oh yeah music.  Although I would love to be happy about the music my brain cannot process listening to Violent Femmes(yes I know I am dating myself,don't care love em) and then playing Justin Beiber for the very next song.  Or Beatles then Michael Bolton.  Come on guys.  It is like some kind of psychological toture they are doing.  What's so bad is now I hear one of the good songs I love and instantly I associate it with ear torture.  Do they have no shame?  I think what happened is they tried to pick some songs that EVERYBODY would like so they let a collection of people pick a few songs each and one or two really cool people got their choices in there with about a dozen doucebags.  Just my theory.  Yes I should be grateful for the few tidbits of music I get to hear in a 9 hour workday but it's just not that simple.  Gonna go drink some old chocolate coffe now that has been on the pot for over an hour.  Gotta love it too.