Good morning World,
Just watched the sunrise and it doesnt get any more relaxing than this.  Don't get me wrong there are a billion things racing through my head right now but I am holding it all back behind a velvet rope and all I see is the perfect mixture of baby blues and peach in the sky.  The curtain of humidity has not yet fallen on us so it is one of those mornings anything is possible.  Today hopefully we find out if we will be able to get some kind of medical coverage for my husband and then some help...real help.  If ever I was holding onto him with two hands trying to keep him off the proverbial ledge it is now.  He hit that serious low after losing his father that I expected would blindside him.  Of course to compensate he overmedicated a little and now with over a week until he can refill prescriptions the idea of him being on no meds that long scares the hell out of me.  He needs psychiatric help...period...end of story but I am afraid if we get the run around much longer he will not make it.  For the first time in my life I understand (not saying condone) but understand the "nutjobs" out there who feel like they have nothing to lose.  If those people don't have someone fighting for them trying to keep their head above water they can be lost so easily.  We had a rocky night the other night and we didn't speak for most of yesterday then something big happened at work for me and I found myself in the ladies room letting the tears flow because I realized for a few moments I forgot about what we are dealing with at home and now I am in charge of this HUGE project and how am I going to do this.  I REALLY hate self doubt.  It is so defeating and I follow the yoda philosophy of fear leading to all other bad things.   I am trying to work through fears.  Then I wanted to share this news with someone when I came home but I wasn't talking to hubby so had to wait for my sis.  She is my lifeline but not in that holding me up way...more like when I was six and she taught me to swim by pushing me in the deep end of the pool and saying,"paddle dummy!".  She lives by the SUCK IT UP code and acts as if she is hard as nails.  I'm her sis I know the truth but there is no sympathy from her about anything.  So before I face any obstacles today I am enjoying these few moments of peace when I can pretend things are all good and everybody is happy and well.  Don is always telling me I have such a positive sunny outlook on things but sometimes I wonder if I really do or if I am forced to be that way.  When you live with someone who sees nothing but dark clouds you have to become the one who sees nothing but the silver linings.  Just every now and then it would be nice to be with someone who wakes up happy.  Who enjoys the mornings...the sunrise the way I do.  Time to quit dreaming and get some things done around here today.  Keeping my fingers crossed all goes well but if not we just have to try another route I guess.