I am a procrastinator.  Actually Queen of the procrastinators to be exact but I do own my title and all of the issues that come with it.  I find writing on here to be a wonderful distraction from whatever I may be avoiding.  So if I am writing I am probably not working on something else I should be.  Right now it is the neatly folded stack of clean laundry screaming PUT ME AWAY.  Love doing laundry...hate putting away clothes.  So I am finally embracing the whole idea of turning 40.  Talked to a few of the ladies I work with younger and older and realized what I knew all along.  It's a number.  It doesn't define me.  Am I that cute bubbly blonde I was at 18...hell no.  Dont want to be.  I am really comfortable in my skin right now and how I am living my life.  Yes I wish I made more money at work but that requires certain sacrifices I am not prepared to make yet.  For the most part though it's all good.  I also have taken a stand at my job.  Some of the women tend to get a little cliquey and mean girls like and tend to turn on one or two at any given time.  One person in particular who does have some personal habits that annoy the heck out of anyone around her when she is not around everyone tends to bash "Rose".  Problem is Rose considers me a friend and a few of the others who have been talking.  So I took a stand.  With all the crap out there with kids getting bullied and ridiculed it is up to the adults to set the standard and I refuse to participate in any of that behavior.  I went through my own particular hell in Jr. high because of people who thought they were God's gift and everyone else was dirt.  And it has taken me a lot of time to shake the negative effects and poor self esteem that I developed with that.  So now when I enter our breakroom and see Rose sitting alone and my other "friends" sitting together motioning for me to sit with them I sit with the one who needs a friend.  So much hostility and hate out there and my son has been on both ends of that.  Usually the one being picked on but he did participate in bullying someone with a group to avoid being singled out himself and he was punished for it.  Now he is a champion for kids in that situation and although he is small he will stand up for anyone who needs it.  He is the reason I decided to change my behavior and saw I was not being true to myself.  I work in a low income rural area and see so much meanness from the people that come into my store and meanness to children at that.  It really is heartbreaking.  And YES I know this should apply to how I treat Weezie and I am working on that too but this is someone who injects herself into my personal business whenever she can and that situation is different.  But I am working on that too.  I even suggested to my sis she say one nice thing to her a day at whick point she dropped the f bomb in the middle of a Sam's Club store while we were shopping. For her that was extreme.  So baby steps I guess.