I am a procrastinator.  Actually Queen of the procrastinators to be exact but I do own my title and all of the issues that come with it.  I find writing on here to be a wonderful distraction from whatever I may be avoiding.  So if I am writing I am probably not working on something else I should be.  Right now it is the neatly folded stack of clean laundry screaming PUT ME AWAY.  Love doing laundry...hate putting away clothes.  So I am finally embracing the whole idea of turning 40.  Talked to a few of the ladies I work with younger and older and realized what I knew all along.  It's a number.  It doesn't define me.  Am I that cute bubbly blonde I was at 18...hell no.  Dont want to be.  I am really comfortable in my skin right now and how I am living my life.  Yes I wish I made more money at work but that requires certain sacrifices I am not prepared to make yet.  For the most part though it's all good.  I also have taken a stand at my job.  Some of the women tend to get a little cliquey and mean girls like and tend to turn on one or two at any given time.  One person in particular who does have some personal habits that annoy the heck out of anyone around her when she is not around everyone tends to bash "Rose".  Problem is Rose considers me a friend and a few of the others who have been talking.  So I took a stand.  With all the crap out there with kids getting bullied and ridiculed it is up to the adults to set the standard and I refuse to participate in any of that behavior.  I went through my own particular hell in Jr. high because of people who thought they were God's gift and everyone else was dirt.  And it has taken me a lot of time to shake the negative effects and poor self esteem that I developed with that.  So now when I enter our breakroom and see Rose sitting alone and my other "friends" sitting together motioning for me to sit with them I sit with the one who needs a friend.  So much hostility and hate out there and my son has been on both ends of that.  Usually the one being picked on but he did participate in bullying someone with a group to avoid being singled out himself and he was punished for it.  Now he is a champion for kids in that situation and although he is small he will stand up for anyone who needs it.  He is the reason I decided to change my behavior and saw I was not being true to myself.  I work in a low income rural area and see so much meanness from the people that come into my store and meanness to children at that.  It really is heartbreaking.  And YES I know this should apply to how I treat Weezie and I am working on that too but this is someone who injects herself into my personal business whenever she can and that situation is different.  But I am working on that too.  I even suggested to my sis she say one nice thing to her a day at whick point she dropped the f bomb in the middle of a Sam's Club store while we were shopping. For her that was extreme.  So baby steps I guess.

 Oh beautiful morning it feels so soothing to be sitting here in the morning sunlight,listening to the birds,drinking my much needed coffee and enjoying some peace and quiet.  This is recharging time.  So many ups and downs the last week or so it feels like things are getting back on track.  Work is still nuts and will be for about another week.  Nothing I can do about that so not even going to worry about it.  Mother's Day is over and it is really the low point of my year most of the time so thats another monkey off my back.  Monkeys all over this house sometimes.  Word is good that weezie will be getting her own place within the next 6 weeks so woohoo I did a happy dance when I heard that.  My son has started paying special attention to her eating habits and it is sweet but a little creepy I have to admit.  When she eats she must pour half of the salt shaker onto her food but of course half of the salt ends up on the kitchen counter or table and we have nicknamed this fairydust.  So when my son saw her covering her plate in salt he asked me,in front of her, Mom isn't salt bad for you.  I responded that salt has sodium and is you are trying to watch your blood pressure or have heart issues then yes you need to limit your salt intake.  He then turned to Weezie and asked her how many meals she thought she had eaten in her lifetime.  I had to keep from choking on my water and also keep from smiling and quickly told him this was a rude question and none of his business. And although it is nice to be concerned for someones health he is not in charge of monitoring her diet.  But my son being the hard headed good hearted kid he is proceeded the next night to raise the issue again when I was still at work.  He asked told her that making food taste better is not worth risking your life and didn't she realize people would be sad if she died.  When I hear things like that is really makes me feel proud that he is so caring .  Then I know I did well with him.  Of course his filter between brain and mouth has never worked that well but of all the things that could be wrong thats not too bad.  Well peace and quiet is over and house is full of peeps again so I am off  here to do some window shopping.

Well it has certainly been an eventful week to put it mildly.  You would think that the years i have put in with my dear hubby I would have recognized an emotional buildup because of his meds being off and my not encouraging to talk more about his fears instead of mistaking it for an all-out end of everything.  One late night venting session between the two of us has everything back on track and running smoothly.  Nothing like deep emotional breakthroughs till two A.M. and then going in to work at five A.M.  But its all good now.  This week has been a crazy weird turn.  My sister and I have slacked off the last few days with our workouts and since I have been working the 5-2 shift I have been too tired to make our healthy dinners.  But all is not lost since I have today and tomorrow off work we will be getting that back on track too.  This morning I made a yummy food discovery I have to share.  As usual I forgot to make my sons lunch until the last minute we were already running late.  I also needed to heat up a veggie burger for myself (my favorite breakfast).  So of course we are out of veggie burgers.  Whole wheat low-cal english muffin already in toaster I decide to throw on a LITTLE bit of peanut butter,yes I know how fattening peanut butter is hence all cap little.  Now since my son was seven his sandwich of choice is peanut butter and nutella.  Hhmmm. Just little on top of the peanut butter and add a spoonful of raspberry jam and you have breakfast.  Ok it may not be for everybody but it was awesome.  Anyway today I am home.  Yes I will complete a few things on my to do list but it is really about relaxing and enjoying the family these two days.  The next few weeks at work are going to be extra crazy with our inventory coming up and while I did fine last year with my departments some of my co-workers did not fare so well and a few heads are on the chopping block if there is not an improvement.  We are also looking at one of the members of this household moving in the next few months.  Oh we can dream can't we.  Her arrival over a year ago was "temporary" and just going to be for a few months until she found an apartment.  Okay I moved in here "temporarily" four years ago BUT I understand the dynamic of this family and its unspoken rules.  There are three separate yet related families here. My sis,her hubby and their daughter. It's their house and ultimately their rules. Family two our mother and father.  They have the back section of the house and my sis would have never been able to afford the mortgage without their contribution.  And then myself my hubby and our son.  When sis is having an issue with her hubby or child we all stay out.  Same thing for mother and father, same for my brood.  We all contribute and bring different things to the household.  Then there is Weezie.  She is the last addition(#9) to the house.  She sleeps in the 30 year old chair she brought with her and sat in the middle of my sisters living room.  Her chair also is directly in front of the front door.  So anyone coming or going must hear comments or questions about where ya going?, where ya been? how was your day.  My sister has nicknamed her the people greeter.  Problem is our family is not like that. We tease and torment and ridicule each other(in a loving way) but we all give each other space.  Before she came here we used to play Wii on the weekends in my sisters living room and have a blast.  Or rock band or trivia games.  That all ended when we had someone sitting there making smart comments any time someone messed up. Then there is the issue of the bodily noises coming from this person.  As I am sitting here in the dining room right now typing I have heard at least three burps from the living room that would make Shrek blush.  Uuuuggggg!!!  Yes my father and brother in law can be guilty of such noises too but with her it is ALL the time.  At some point enough is enough.  Let me explain the name Weezie. Some people are going to think I am horrible I DON"T CARE you don't live with her.  Weezie has emphyzema and asthma and diabetes and whole host of other conditions.  She moved in here because her own home was unlivable for her.  It was in such poor condition she had to be hospitalized for complications.  She lived an hour away from here.  So she moved in with her son, a no-brainer.  She is on oxygen every minute of the day.  So along with her and her belongings in my sisters living room is all of her medical equipment too.  There are three bathrooms in this house.  One in my sisters bedroom.  One in the back of the house that is my parents.  And the main household bathroom in the hallway inbetween my bedroom and my sons room.  She will only use the restroom in the main one because it is closest.  So everytime the woman has to go there is an oxygen hose running through the room.  When she first moved in we all realized quickly she does not breath like any other people we know with emphyzema or on oxygen. Imagine a woman doing long slow EXHALING breaths in lamaze class. WOOSH WOOSH.  My sister is a nurse.  I work with several elderly people much older than Weezie that have the same health problems.  My mother in law died from emphyzema and never had the exaggerated breathing she has.  We believe she does it for the attention and to play up her condition.  So anyway she got the name Weezie because when I have to be at work at seven I get up about 5 to get ready every morning no fail she would be standing outside the bathroom door waiting for me to get out and it is dark in the hallway and you can hear her WOOSH WOOSH outside the door waiting.  I know I sound horrible but consider this.  Every week a man comes to the house to do something to her oxygen machine,I don't know what. Anyway he comes around noon.  A few weeks ago Weezie clogged up the toilet and was trying plunge it herself and I had cleaned earlier so the bathroom did still have bleach fumes in it.  She got a little out of breath and went to sit down and my sister checked her machine for her.  This was 6pm her machine had been off since noon and she hadnt noticed until then. Ha Busted.  There are two million other things the woman does that make us all want to wrap that hose around her neck but I am going to stop there.  So when I say she may be leaving in a few months this is a thing of great joy.  And if you think I am harsh my sister is ten times more ready to have her gone. None of us are perfect here and we all drive each other nuts and do things that get on each others nerves the difference between her and the rest of us is we are all aware of the things we do. Anyway one of these days she is gonna blow us all to bits frying sausage and eggs on the GAS stove with her oxygen tube still on then my sister will get the new kitchen she wants.  Guess it all works out in the end.